Dating a male victim of sexual abuse

Rape is primarily prompted by anger or a desire to harm, intimidate or dominate, rather than by sexual attraction or a rapist's assumption about his intended victim's sexual orientation.

Because of society's confusion about the role that attraction plays in sexual assault and about whether victims are responsible for provoking an assault, even heterosexual male survivors may worry that they somehow gave off "gay vibes" that the rapist picked up and acted upon.

It may be tempting to dismiss such experiences as wanted sexual initiation (especially in the case of an older female assaulting a younger male), but the reality is that the impact of female-on-male assault can be just as damaging. As with female survivors, men are also sometimes raped by strangers. In some ways, though, men react uniquely to being sexually assaulted. This is a destructive myth that often adds to the anxiety a male survivor feels after being assaulted.

These situations tend to be more violent and more often involve a group of attackers rather than a single offender. Immediately after an assault, men may show more hostility and aggression rather than tearfulness and fear. Because of this misinformation, it is common for a male survivor to fear that he is now destined to do to others what was done to him.

"She was dressed like a slut," "She is very promiscuous," and many many more excuses for rape crimes take the blame off the perpetrator and place it on the victim. It is a crime like any other where something is taken without consent.

At one point, I too thought that rape was a sexually-motivated crime. If a man walks into a bank with a gun, he uses the gun as a weapon to procure money from the bank. A rapist overpowers the victim by using sex as a weapon, much like a gunman scares bank tellers into submission by waving around a firearm.

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For some reason, talking about what happened has opened whole new metaphorical can of worms.Since writing about this publicly, many people, mainly men, have argued with me that rape is an act that men cannot help executing because of their "natural" sexual drives and desires.This misconception is also the reason why victim-blaming excuses often fly without much questioning from others.What you should know about men who have been sexually assaulted Rape is a men's issue for many reasons.One we don't often talk about is the fact that men are sexually assaulted.

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